Memories Rekindled.

Tonight, as I was not studying for my final tomorrow, I decided to flip through my Facebook profile pictures. It's always interesting to look back on things like that. To see how far one has come since high school. I joined Facebook in the end of grade 11. I've changed a lot since then. Changed friend groups, changed life direction, grown up. I don't think any of it has been bad change, but it has been change nonetheless. I've grown apart from some people and grown closer to others. I've had my heart bruised a bit and then lovingly molded into something entirely new. I've learned new skills, discovered new passions. I'm grateful for the person I've become and thankful for the lessons learned along the way, regrets and all. It's taken me a while to say that I've come to terms with my regrets. I made a lot of dumb decisions in the first few years out of high school. Wait. Let me rephrase. I still make lots of dumb decisions. But I'm learning not to be as hard on myself. It's a good thing to learn.
That being said, if you are reading this and we used to be closer than we are now, I want to say thank-you for the things you taught me during our friendship. The memories are still just as fresh. All it takes is a picture to send me right back. If you are reading this and you've entered my life in the past few years, thank-you for the things you helped me discover about myself. Leaving my Christian high school bubble taught me a lot, and I'm certain you played a role in that. And if you are reading this and we are still as close today as we were when we first met, however many years it's been, thank-you for sticking with me through it all. We may not see each other very often, but I am so grateful for the friends and family that I can be amazingly close with, even though our hangouts tend to be few and far between. Thank-you for understanding that my life is crazy. Thank-you for understanding that I will always be grateful for a coffee and a chat, no matter how much time has passed. There's something to be said about the comfort in old friends.
~Jessica

Grown Up Pursuits

Tonight, I felt like a real adult. I mean, I'm only 21, so it's hasn't been that long that I've officially been "grown up". But tonight it felt.. concrete. My roomies and I had some friends over to play cards. I know, I know, kind of old fashioned. But it was heaps of fun! Playing cards is a pursuit that doesn't take a lot of focus to be involved in, so it allowed us to chat and laugh and tease each other (as all good friends do) and just generally have a grand ol' time. And it felt nice.
Since leaving my small, somewhat sheltered Christian high school, I've received plenty of bugging related to my lack of "getting wasted" affinity. I've never really understood the need to consume so much alcohol that I black out and forget what happened. I'm not saying that people who enjoy that are silly or ridiculous, but I just don't see the point. My high school friends and I were able to have fun and make memories (that we actually remember) without consuming any. So I've just decided to continue on that path. And tonight just reminded me again how right I am in deciding that. I mean, I do enjoy a glass of wine now and then (or a shot of tequila at the bar.. or a pina colada in Mexico..), but getting drunk is never something that I've enjoyed. "Drink to enjoy, not to get drunk." That's what my dad always tells us. I kind of like it.
As the girls were leaving our house tonight, we all decided that play cards and drinking tea should become a regular occurrence in our friend circle. We could have a tournament and all play various card games in different rooms. One could just float from table to table, as the spirit moved. It would be like in "Pride and Prejudice"! So fun. And so grown up. We also joked that we could say "No alcohol allowed." I don't think it's a bad idea. And once people get used to the idea, they might not mind either.
~Jessica

Back to Blogging

It's been a while since I was here. Strange how much has happened since then. New roomies (much better than before!), new program at school (living my dreams!), new job (making coffees is theeee best!), and a new outlook on life. Not that it's changed a whole lot, I've just matured a bit since last fall. I've learned to stand up for myself more. Not to let people walk all over me. Well, maybe I haven't learned that completely. But I know that I need to keep working on it!
If you've been to this blog before, you may have noticed a few things have changed. Mainly, the name. This blog originally started with a former roommate, Michelle. To put things succinctly, that living arrangement didn't work out. Unfortunately, neither did our friendship. It was unfortunate, but I learned a lot. About living with people, about being friends with difficult people and about standing up for myself. Because of those unfortunate circumstances, I've deleted Michelle's posts and taken over the blog just for myself. It's been about 8 months since we parted ways, and I've only now decided to get back into blogging. It feels good to be writing on here again. I decided, just to be fair to the past, that I'd completely break away from what was once here. Change it up a tad! I hope you enjoy the change!
That being said, I hope you will stay for the ride! Some days I will post a few short thoughts, some days I'll post recipes that were especially tasty. Some days I'll rant, some days I'll simply muse. But all in all, I just want to have an outlet. A place to share my thoughts and feelings. A place to share a smile or two. Cause in the end, that's what living a full and joyous life is about to me. Sharing what you have with others, in the hopes that they will smile in return. So stay with me folks! I'll do my best to make you smile and maybe, just maybe, it'll save your life!
~Jessica
ps: I don't actually think this blog will save anyone's life. But being a nursing student, it just seemed fitting! :)

Bubbling Over

One thing I love about living in Saskatoon is the river. There is something soothing about watching it flow, listening to the birds and marveling at the never ending cycle. But then you reach the weir. This is where it all comes crashing in. You go from the peaceful flow to a crashing cacophony of noise. All of the undertows and currents come bubbling to the surface.
Today, I walked home from the University and crossed the river on the railroad bridge. About halfway across, I had to stop. Something about the way the river was rushing over the edge struck a cord in my soul. Although most of the water was rushing in a rather steady manner, right in the very middle was a spot where it was bubbling up, making a little crest of water above the rest. As Ray LaMontange played on my iPod, I had to stare. The crest of water seemed like it was screaming at me. It was saying "Something isn't right under here." As it came bubbling over, I realised that it was reflecting my life at the moment.
On the surface, things are flowing along nicely. I've got a great semester ahead of me, lots of friends, a wonderful boyfriend to hold my hand, and a definite plan and direction for my life. But under the surface there are a lot of currents tugging and undertows threatening to pull me down. I've faced a lot of disappointment and hurt in the week. I didn't make Greystone Singers. I felt like my audition went alright, but it wasn't meant to be. I didn't get a very big part in Pride and Prejudice. Again, I felt like my audition went pretty well, but it seems it also wasn't meant to be. And I inadvertently caused a fight by saying some things that I probs could have kept to myself. And the pain of insult stings. Needless to say, these 3 situations have brought a lot of emotions and memories to the surface that I thought I had dealt with. Reminiscences of memories from my past that I don't really like to think about. Regrets and heartache.
So like the weir, the natural progression and flow of my life has been interrupted by these memories. The emotions that come along with them are bubbling up in my soul, the crest of water above the weir. Something isn't right under the surface.
It's not a comfortable feeling.
~Jessica

nervousness

Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Dang. Hopefully I'll get better at that in the coming weeks!
So Michelle and I officially live together now. We have been in our lovely basement suite-type-thing together for about a week and a half. And it's awesome! My grandparents are upstairs and are amazing. They keep offering to buy us things and feed us and it's lovely. I like them a lot.
Michelle and I don't see each other an overwhelming ammount. She works in the evenings, and I'm usually in bed by the time she gets home. But she doesn't work today! Or tomorrow! So roomie bonding shall occur :)
But onto the real intent behind this post. I mean, updates on our lives are interesting, but I have other thoughts to get out.
I auditioned for the Greystone Singers yesterday. That's the auditioned choir at the UofS. And man oh man, was I ever nervous. And I couldn't figure out why. I've done lots of choir auditions in the past. Two every year in high school. One in the fall for choir and then again before Christmas for Tour Choir. Plus the singing tests so I could actually get a credit for choir. So I've done this lots of times. But yesterday was somehow different.
I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that Gerald (the director) had never heard me sing before. And the fact that it's been 2 years since I last sang in a choir. (Side note- 2 years! That means this is my 3rd year out of high school. Crazy! I feel old..) So I was a little rusty. And then there was the fact that my bf decided to hang around outside the door and listen. I am grateful for his support, but I was ridiculously nervous. I'm glad I didn't know he was there until I walked out.
But the feeling of my stomach turning in knots was weird for me. I'm usually a pretty confident person. I know I'm not the best singer or actor out there, but I just try to be myself in an audition and usually end up in the middle of the pack somewhere. Which I am fine with. As long as I can perform, I'm happy. But nerves are weird.
So I will find out today if I made the choir or not. I think I'm even more nervous to check that list than anything else. I don't like disappointment. But I'll let you know how it turns out!
So until then, have a stellar day. Keep smiling :)
~Jessica

Seatbelts

How many times have you put a seat belt on in your life? Probably too many times to count. How many times have you thought about the importance of it? Probably not enough times. As of very recently, I have thought about it a lot.
2 weeks ago, the week-end of June 10-13, I was in Saskatoon, visiting the boyfriend (and who ever else I managed to squeeze in!). I had a great week-end! Now when I head home from Saskatoon, I have 2 options. 1: stick to the paved roads and come home through Moose Jaw. 2: turn off the highway at Craik and take the back roads, cutting a good 20, 25 minutes off of my travel time. So if it hasn't been raining (or snowing), I generally take the back roads. This is what I did on Sunday, June 13.
This plan worked out well for the first portion of my drive. Then I got to the last stretch before Caron. And the road was awful! I immediately slowed down some as the gravel was really thick, and must have been recently graded. But apparently this wasn't enough. I caught some gravel funny, started swerving and hit the ditch. Then my car started to roll, the air bag went off and all I can remember is thinking "Oh My Goodness! God, keep me safe!"
I don't know how many times I rolled, as I wasn't really counting. But my car landed upright and I was able to get out and call my brother and sister-in-law to come get me. I'm pretty sure every farmer who passed by in the next half hour or so stopped to make sure I was OK. And most of them made some comment about the road being awful and it being just a matter of time before someone hit the ditch because of it. That didn't really make me feel any better, but it did make me appreciate the small town mentality quite a lot!
Well the moral of my story comes down to this: WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT! Yes, my car is totaled. But my body was not. I had bruises on my knees from the steering wheel, bruises on the inside of my arms from the air bag and a scrape on my shoulder from my seat belt. I didn't get a concussion or have whiplash. And I can truthfully say that my seat belt saved me. That, and the grace of God. There were a ton of things in my car that could have become projectiles and hurt me (like my metal water bottle, or my cell phone, or my CD case). My windshield could have shattered and cut me. The roof of my car could have caved and trapped me in my car. But none of those things happened.
So the next time you get into your car, put on your seat belt, even if you are only driving down the block. You never know what could happen. I was 5 minutes from home when I hit the ditch. Seat belts save lives. This I know. So think about it and be very thankful for them!
~ Jessica

SUMMER!

Summer is here! Well kind of. It was 28 degrees today. So I feel like summer has arrived. And with it come nights of bonfires and not needing to wear pants. Supper on the back deck, complete with steak and baked potatoes. Ice cream breaks in the middle of the day. Week-ends at the lake, spent with good friends and sangria. Getting a tan while I wash my car. Going for walks down dirt roads to look at the stars. Going to Edmonton for a U2 concert (that's just this summer though). Sleeping with no covers on. Having water fights with the kids at VBS. Naps in the shade of a tree. Bonfires and sunsets at GTBC. Late nights and sleeping in. Dancing in a summer rain storm.

Those are some of my favorite things about summer. Do you have fave summer time activities?
~Jessica